Category Archives: Uncategorized

It’s really hard to be gracious as a survivor. For the longest time, I believed that it was my fault that I was molested. I mean, I did befriend him, and I did go out to meet him in the badlands all the time, and I didn’t say no when he made advances towards me.Continue reading “Gratitude”

Masculinity has been one of the toughest issues for me to deal with in my entire life. I grew up in a fairly conservative town and at a time when the ideas of masculinity were narrow. My own views of what definied my masculinity were definitely shaped by where I grew up. To me, menContinue reading “Defining Masculinity”

Oh my God I hate change! Now that I’ve got that out of me, I’ll explain. I just finished up my school year, with the last half of the semester being done from home and online. Lots of grading, report writing, finishing and closing out paperwork, and preparing for summer school to be completed. AllContinue reading “Resisting Transition”

This weekend, our society was again confronted about the subject of racism, as we watched protesters speak out against the murder of George Floyd. However, rioters and looters deflected the issue once again using an important talking point for selfish gain. In order for an issue to be understood and solved, it first must beContinue reading “It’s Important to Talk About”

There was a point in my recovery when I was so comfortable with my past sexual abuse that I was telling everyone who was significant about it. I didn’t really care anymore about what others thought about what had happened in the past because, frankly, it was in the past. I talked to my SundayContinue reading “Full Disclosure”

When I was growing up, I thrived when I had a routine. Most of the time, my routines were self imposed. I would get up at the same time, get ready for the day, go through my school routine, and after coming home complete my work in the same manner. Change was hard, unsettling, andContinue reading “Routines and Changes”

I moved away from my hometown at 18 so that I could attend college in California. I remember having a conversation with my younger brother at the time, telling him how I couldn’t wait to leave because of the small-mindedness of everyone. I realized later that it was my anger at my sexual abuse thatContinue reading “Escaping My Past?”

I have had difficulty with friendships as far back as I can remember. I lived in a very rural area in which only one other boy my age lived close. I believe because of this I didn’t learn how to interact with other kids. Adults were always around, and by watching how they interacted, that’sContinue reading “Friendships”

Growing up I had a tremendous fear of men. For whatever reason, and reasons I’m still not certain, I was terrified of adult men. I struggled in elementary school to make friends with other boys, but once I did, the friendships became easier. Oddly enough, it wasn’t until middle school that I finally could feelContinue reading “Fears”

I’m not sure if other survivors have experienced this, but one of the hardest things for me to do is see myself. I posted a picture today showing the beard that I’ve been growing since we’ve been in quarantine. I had to take several pictures, deleting them over and over again because the just didn’tContinue reading “Looking At Myself”