Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse
Sadness
For many survivors, the holidays hold sadness. I believe that I was very fortunate that my perpetrator was not in my family, so I only saw him on certain occasions. Yet I still experience a great deal of sadness during the holidays because my routine is disrupted and I have more time to think irrationally.Continue reading “Sadness”
The Grooming Relationship
The part of my sexual abuse that is the most disturbing for me is the fact that my perpetrator groomed me for his own pleasure. The deception and trust that was broken had lasting effect on how I viewed every relationship thereafter. Perpetrators seems especially keen and adept at finding young men and women whoContinue reading “The Grooming Relationship”
Handling Emotions
The first thing my sexual abuse taught me was to bury my emotions. Mostly just the negative ones, like sadness, frustration, and anxiety. I thought that if I could keep in control all of the time over my negativity, then no one would ever know what was going on inside. The side effect of thisContinue reading “Handling Emotions”
When Bad Things Happen…
Why do bad things happen to good people? This is one of the questions that everyone has to deal with in one way or another and to a variety of degrees. I wish I could provide everyone who is a childhood sexual abuse survivor with a satisfying answer, but I know this is beyond myContinue reading “When Bad Things Happen…”
Talking About the Past
One of my goals since I started writing was to get others to talk about sexual abuse. My opinion is that the more people engage in conversation about childhood sexual abuse, the more than we can end it. Although it is difficult, I firmly believe that the conversation must begin with ourselves My biggest obstacleContinue reading “Talking About the Past”
Shutting Down Emotionally
One of the things I have discovered about myself is that when confronted with negative emotions, specifically sadness, anger or frustration, I tend to shut down. The hard part of this is when I need to be strong for someone that I care for that at times the other person has to comfort me inContinue reading “Shutting Down Emotionally”
Sexual Readiness
After my initial sexual abuse, I had a hard time feeling that anything was normal. Even the most basic tasks, like boarding the school bus and walking the hallways, became unusual and frightening. I had no idea why my life felt so completely different. I could understand why touching other people, being in close proximityContinue reading “Sexual Readiness”
Dealing with Disappointment
I have had a couple of health goals that I am supposed to have completed by this month. The first is to lose 20 pounds. The second is to drop my cholesterol number down to a healthy range. On Saturday, I will have my blood work to determine whether I have achieved that goal. IContinue reading “Dealing with Disappointment”
Bravery
A fellow survivor was able to tell his story of sexual abuse in front of a crowd recently. I was impressed by the amount of courage and bravery it took for him to tell his story to others, especially since he wasn’t certain how he would be received. In my opinion, regardless of the sizeContinue reading “Bravery”
Suicidal Thoughts
I have struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was six years old. I remember vividly how difficult first grade was for me. The weather was extremely cold that year and I had several bouts with pneumonia and bronchitis. So I was out of school a lot and never was able to make connections with otherContinue reading “Suicidal Thoughts”
Loading…
Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.
Follow My Blog
Get new content delivered directly to your inbox.
Harry L. Estes 