I’ve loved music since I can remember. I grew up in the 70s and 80s, which of course was the last decades of real music, right? During middle school and high school, I could not go a day without some pop song going through my head. It also shaped my attitude for that time, too. If I was feeling sad, a sad song would play throughout the day. In order to get me through an extremely busy day or when I was just feeling good, I would have some upbeat, happy song zip through my brain. Not only that, but I was in the school band from middle school all the way through graduation. Many people in my hometown were shocked that I was a biochemistry major and not a music major.
For the longest time I enjoyed all types of music. In college, I was introduced to some Christian music that was on the “edgy” side. It wasn’t long before I found the genre that spoke to me most, Christian Heavy Metal. Kinda sounds like a paradox, huh? But what I discovered was the angry lyrics and throaty vocals only voiced my own soul condition. The loneliness, emptiness, and fragility of my spirit was healed when I heard that I can be strong through Christ. One of my favorite bands, Demon Hunter, speaks to my condition so much that I have a line from one of their songs tattooed on upper arm, “One Name Above All”. Another band, Seventh Day Slumber, wrote a song about childhood sexual abuse called “Innocence”. One of the members disclosed to me that it was written for a friend of theirs who had been molested.
When most people discover and listen to the type of music I like, they are a little shocked. However, the combination of heavy lyrics and soul-wrenching music help me to find a voice. I was able to dig deep into my emotions so that I could write the material that I put in my books. Despite the way that the music sounds, for me, it is extraordinarily healing.
I hope that as a survivor, others will be able to find God in whatever they enjoy; reading, painting, singing, building, fixing, teaching, etc. There are endless ways in which to find our Lord. I encourage you to look for Him because, I can guarantee you, He’s waiting for you.
Harry L. Estes 