Author Archives: Harry Estes

A fellow survivor was able to tell his story of sexual abuse in front of a crowd recently. I was impressed by the amount of courage and bravery it took for him to tell his story to others, especially since he wasn’t certain how he would be received. In my opinion, regardless of the sizeContinue reading “Bravery”

I have struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was six years old. I remember vividly how difficult first grade was for me. The weather was extremely cold that year and I had several bouts with pneumonia and bronchitis. So I was out of school a lot and never was able to make connections with otherContinue reading “Suicidal Thoughts”

In my therapy session today, we talked about things that we would do over if we could. Of course, I made sure that it was with the caveat that I could do it over again with the same knowledge that I have now. I’d never want to do anything in my life again if IContinue reading “Do Over?”

I never realized how pervasive my sexual abuse has affected my entire person. Every part of my personality has changed because of one very selfish act by a perpetrator. It has changed me so much, I sometimes don’t really know who I truly am. Obviously, my sexual abuse has confused my sexual identity and alteredContinue reading “Choosing a New Identity”

I understand that many people do not feel sexy, whether it is because of what society has portrayed as what a good-looking, sexy person has or whether it is because of difficulties with self-perception. I feel confident that the perception of my body being “sexy” is directly related to my sexual abuse. For many survivors,Continue reading “I Don’t Feel Sexy Part 2”

Every survivor I’ve talked with has varying degrees of troubling body image. None of us feel our bodies are good enough, so we do a variety of things to transform our bodies into something we feel better about. The only thing is that rarely happens when the transformation is on the outside only. Over theContinue reading “I Don’t Feel Sexy”

One of my close friends recently told me that he has come to terms with a lot of the sadness that he’s experienced in life. He said that the sad times have helped define who he is at this moment, and even though they were really difficult, he wouldn’t change them for anything in theContinue reading “Freedom”

A couple of weeks ago, I went to visit a good friend in Washing state. He lives right along the Columbia river in a rural area, so we got to go hiking a lot. The first hike he took me on was amazing but arduous. I’ve been going to the gym a lot, so IContinue reading “Our Journey”

It seems like lately kindness is getting harder and harder to find out in our society. I wish I knew why that is. I’m sure I could focus on our political or economic climate, the confinement we’ve all felt because of COVID, or a myriad of other factors which are pervasive in our society. Yet,Continue reading “Being Kind to Yourself”

Yesterday, I went to church and for the first time in a long time I was able to remove my mask. I loved the fact that I didn’t have something covering my face and restricting my breathing. I’ll be thrilled when this mask mandate is lifted. Just another significant change towards normal, which felt great.Continue reading “Change is Terrifying”