Author Archives: Harry Estes

I talked with my therapist today about wanting to feel things. Specifically, I want to feel like my parents did their best with what they were given when they raised me. I can say that in my head, but I don’t think I feel it in my heart. Unfortunately, as a result of my sexualContinue reading “Emotions”

I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself an anxious person. When I think of those who are anxious, I think of people who are jittery, nervous, and jumpy most of the time. However, when it comes to changes in my life, then all of a sudden, I do become quite anxious. I think and plan about changesContinue reading “Anxiety”

I injured my calf this week running on the treadmill at my gym. I tried really hard to work through it, pausing to walk it off, stretching it for a minute or two, walking again, and then up to slowly running on it. Once I felt a pop in the middle of my calf, IContinue reading “Injury”

I did a podcast this week with childhood sexual abuse as the topic and highlighting my books. It was a strange experience to talk so openly about my past and about how others can help understand survivors of sexual abuse. I realized how difficult it is for survivors of sexual abuse to explain and helpContinue reading “Perspectives”

I know I’m stating the obvious, but being sexually abused really messes up your sense of self. Women who have been molested tend to become highly sexualized at a young age. They abuse their own bodies through cutting, eating disorders, or substances. Men aren’t really that different, either. I think the way that we chooseContinue reading “Self”

It’s really hard to be gracious as a survivor. For the longest time, I believed that it was my fault that I was molested. I mean, I did befriend him, and I did go out to meet him in the badlands all the time, and I didn’t say no when he made advances towards me.Continue reading “Gratitude”

Masculinity has been one of the toughest issues for me to deal with in my entire life. I grew up in a fairly conservative town and at a time when the ideas of masculinity were narrow. My own views of what definied my masculinity were definitely shaped by where I grew up. To me, menContinue reading “Defining Masculinity”

Oh my God I hate change! Now that I’ve got that out of me, I’ll explain. I just finished up my school year, with the last half of the semester being done from home and online. Lots of grading, report writing, finishing and closing out paperwork, and preparing for summer school to be completed. AllContinue reading “Resisting Transition”

This weekend, our society was again confronted about the subject of racism, as we watched protesters speak out against the murder of George Floyd. However, rioters and looters deflected the issue once again using an important talking point for selfish gain. In order for an issue to be understood and solved, it first must beContinue reading “It’s Important to Talk About”

There was a point in my recovery when I was so comfortable with my past sexual abuse that I was telling everyone who was significant about it. I didn’t really care anymore about what others thought about what had happened in the past because, frankly, it was in the past. I talked to my SundayContinue reading “Full Disclosure”