In my group this week, we discussed the idea of our value. Many survivors struggle a lot with the idea that they have value apart from what their perpetrator views and has imbedded in our brains. Most of us have also understood our value as what we do or don’t do for others. These ideas can be very purposely ingrained or that can be innocently imparted. Regardless, I walked away from our conversation with a better understanding of our value.
I know that I have value, just because I’m a human. Which also means, if you’re reading this, you too have value. You don’t have to do anything to receive value, you don’t have to work for value, and you certainly can’t purchase it! I think this basic understanding is important because then our value, in our minds, cannot be taken away from us. No matter what our perpetrators have done or said to us, having this understanding of our intrinsic value, which is not based on what we do for others, will help us heal tremendously.
Others may not have a very high opinion or ideal of who you are or what you do. That’s ok because it’s on them. You have value! And nothing or no one can take that away from you. Also, I believe this is an evolving idea in our recovery process. It will take a while to completely understand and then accept that our value is based in who we are and not what we can do for others.