It seems like lately kindness is getting harder and harder to find out in our society. I wish I knew why that is. I’m sure I could focus on our political or economic climate, the confinement we’ve all felt because of COVID, or a myriad of other factors which are pervasive in our society. Yet, I’d like us to take a look at ourselves because that is what we have control over.
For survivors, especially, kindness to yourself is extremely difficult. Our perpetrators have worked over-time to convince us that we deserved our abuse, that we asked for our abuse, or that we somehow seduced them into their abuse acts. I can’t emphasize enough that, no matter what your age, it was their actions and their responsibility for the sexual abuse, not yours. We, however, have to live with the consequences of their actions. That sucks! We have to bend our lives, change our understanding, and deal with the corruption that they have laid at our feet. With that, we need to give ourselves a break because it takes a lot of energy to deal with those twisted situations in addition to dealing with the stresses of functioning in our lives. That takes a lot of work. Be kind to yourself and be reasonable with what you can expected from yourself.
Also, most people don’t have the tools to deal with sexual abuse, which is why it’s such a difficult topic to talk about. As survivors, most of us had to deal with our abuse issues as children. So whatever we’ve used to cope, which most likely have been unhealthy for us and those around us, is the best we could do with what we’ve been given. Be kind to yourself and get some help. Find someone, the best would be a therapist, to help develop your toolbox for dealing with your sexual abuse issues.
Take your time, too. There’s no race. Being a healthy individual who has the means to deal with their past issues is best done when it’s done well. The more time you invest in your recovery, the better your journey is going to be. And the only one you have to compare yourself with is the person whom you’ve grown from: you.
I encourage you to explore the areas in your life that you feel would help most with your recovery. Once you find those areas, find someone to help you develop the tools in those areas that will best improve your recovery. Be the best you can be! And please share that journey with someone else.
Harry L. Estes 