One of the things I really hate about my brain is the sudden sadness that is a part of my depression. Sometimes, out of nowhere, I will experience an overwhelming sadness for absolutely no reason at all. It starts off as a tremendous feeling of low energy and then immediately becomes a sadness that I just can’t shake. My brain then capitalizes on this change in my brain chemistry and my self-talk spirals my self-esteem into the abyss.
When I was a teenager and young adult, I didn’t quite understand the relationship between my body chemistry, my trauma, and my emotional and physical health. In high school when these things would happen, I would shut myself away from others, concentrating on studying, reading, or escaping in any way possible. I truly convinced myself that I was worthless because I didn’t see and couldn’t summon anyone to come to my aide. As a young adult, the same behavior drove people out of my life.
Now that I understand that my brain works differently than the majority of people, it helps for me when those moments of depression come out of nowhere. Being able to talk about my sadness, my depression, and my abuse also has been huge in allowing other people to know that I’m just not myself. Most importantly, I’ve learned to talk to others about what I need and not feel embarrassed because of my depression.
For those of you that struggle with depression and other issues of mental health, I would encourage you to find the medication that works to help you find some emotional stability. Also, find others who you can bring into your circle in order to confide your struggles and emotions. Additionally, work on how you can communicate your needs to others in a way that gives you dignity and comfort.