I’ve discussed masculinity periodically in several posts. It’s something for me that I have a difficult time coming to terms with as a survivor. As I’ve said before, it’s really hard for me to see myself as masculine. I have a very narrow sense of what makes a man, well a man. However, the dichotomy in my thinking is that the narrow view only applies to me, not other men. I would consider every one of my male friends masculine. I’m the only one who doesn’t fit the mold. Again, that’s something I need to work on.
However, I do think one idea that is pervasive in our culture is that a man doesn’t need anybody, and he has to get things done alone. I challenge this idea of a “lone wolf” in our society. Not only do I believe that isolation is bad in a Christian and spiritual sense, but this is also not something that is historically accurate either. Men were never meant to live in isolation, and I’m not referring to the marriage relationship. Men were designed to live in community with their families AND with close, male friendships.
All throughout the Bible, there are references to Godly men who have strong and intimate male friendships. They have other guys in their community who they can rely on, in good and bad times. Moses had his brother Aaron to help him in quest to lead the Israelites. David had Jonathan to be a faithful companion when Israel’s leader, who was Johnathan’s father, attempted to murder him. Elijah had Elisha to mentor and guide to get Israel back on track with God. And Jesus had twelve men, not the most reliable at times, who were there for fellowship and for the further spread of the Gospel.
In our own country’s history, men never went out alone. They came in groups with their families to colonize our nation. They went out to the frontier together so that they could provide an improve life for themselves and their loved ones. They built houses and barns together. They helped each other with planting and harvesting. They celebrated harvests together. And they commiserated when famine, disease, and death struck their families. Men have never lived alone, and they were never meant to live apart from their male companions.
So, if you are a man and you are struggling with being alone, please reach out to someone. You do not have to live your life in isolation because you were never meant to live like this. Also, by reaching out to someone, you may just provide a companion for someone else who is experiencing loneliness and doesn’t have the energy to reach out themselves. You could make a huge difference in the life of someone who might be at the end of their rope!
Harry L. Estes 