On Saturday, May 3, I will be a part of the Local Author’s Festival selling and signing some of my novels. I’ve told my friends and co-workers about the event, and everyone has wished me well. But I’m a little anxious about the signing because I feel as if I don’t really belong there. I’ve read some of the other author’s bios, and they are well established novelists. I’m just a beginning, being that this is my first public event. So rather than enjoy the fact that I get to be a part of this event, I’m nervous about my place among the other author’s.
I struggle to believe that I really deserve to be there. I think the others there will think I’m foolish and will look down upon me because I’ve self-published my novels rather than have a literary agent and a publishing company to back up my writing. I feel like I won’t measure up to the caliber of writing that the other people will bring to this book signing. In other words, I don’t think I belong.
So, with all of the feelings tumbling through my head, I’ve been trying to counteract the negativity with some truths about myself. Sure, I don’t have an agent or a publisher, but this is also not my career. This is a hobby, which I enjoy greatly, and I should feel honored that I get to be a part of this weekend. Someone thought that my application was good enough to be with these other novelists, so that should count for something. And I’ve worked hard at my stories, to make them entertaining, but more importantly to speak about sexual abuse. That’s the important topic here, getting others to talk about this issue so that one day we’ll never have to deal with it again. The books have never been about me, but about the 1 in 6 men who report that they have been a victim of sexual abuse, and for the others who don’t report it but live in the shame of what someone else has taken away from them. It’s about them, it’s about us!
I have to enjoy the fact that I’ve been a part of a movement to end sexual abuse, and that for a couple of hours, I’ll be able to give those men a voice who haven’t had one before. I need to accept that I can be recognized for the work I’ve put into these stories and give glory to God who has given me the bravery to speak out against it. And I need to be happy and content that I get to do something that others haven’t been able to accomplish yet: that people actually have bought and read my stories.
I understand many of us struggle with enjoying a little bit of recognition, and we tend to downplay ourselves. It’s alright to enjoy the limelight for a bit because it does propel us to move forward in our accomplishments and in our achievements.
Harry L. Estes 