If you’ve read some of my posts or even looked at my other pages on this site, you’ll know that I’ve written four novels centering on the topic of childhood sexual abuse. The first book is still fiction, but it most closely resembles my own story of molestation. The other books are a compilation of other men’s stories, written so that other survivors will know that they are not alone and that those who have never experienced sexual abuse will understand what we’ve been through. Even though I’m not a best-selling author, which would be awesome, but I’m ok with being a teacher, it was the most cathartic exercise I could have every done.
During the writing process, I was able to recall some of the events in my life and process them in a completely different way. I was now looking at my life from an outsider’s perspective, with a little more objectivity and a lot more maturity than when I experienced those events. By separating me from those memories and adding emotions to them, I was able to realize that my abuse was not my fault, I am no less of a man than anyone else, and that I’m deserving of love, respect, and attention just like other people. It was life changing for me because I got to put away a lot of the shame of being abused by a same sex predator. I realized that I no longer had to be a victim of my past, that I could live abundantly in the present, and look forward to a good future. This is something I would recommend for everyone who has been through any trauma.
I understand that some people find writing difficult, they are worried about what it may sound or look like, and that they may have some blocks when it comes to expressing their ideas in that way. But I would still encourage you to find the time to do it. You certainly don’t have to publish your story, you don’t have to even make it make sense! Just write! Write about what happen, write about what you remember, write about what you felt, write about what you wish you could have changed, but just write about it. It’s not something you have to share with another person, but I’ll be that you have someone in your life who would love to walk that journey with you! If you’re not good at writing, but you can draw, that would be good too. Anything that would help you take those memories and attach emotions to them will really help. If you’ve ever done EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), it is much like that. If you are more of a conversationalist, writing things out may help you put your thoughts together so that you can process your feelings with someone else.
If you are struggling with any part of your sexual abuse, I highly encourage you to write your story. It can be just as a phenomenal experience for you as it was for me, and you will probably bring others into a greater understanding of your journey. If you don’t have anyone you would like to share your story with, you can always send it to me through your email. I’d love to hear about your narrative!
Harry L. Estes 