I’ve recently had a few weeks where every morning, I have cried. I have felt sad, lonely, and depressed. And really cried about it, too! Not just a sob or a few tears running down my face but weeping uncontrollably. I haven’t cried like that, or even shed a tear, in years. I attribute the lack of emotion to being on an antidepressant for so long.
If you aren’t familiar with some antidepressants, they are designed as mood stabilizers. The feelings of sadness are removed, but the feelings of happiness can also be brought down, too. I have been off of antidepressants for over a year now, and I believe that I can relate my current state of emotions to my brain adjusting to no chemicals. And this is something that I wanted to have happen to, I just wasn’t prepared for it to be this constant and this raw! Wow!
My desire is to use all of the tools to learn how to manage these emotions. I need to be able to feel sad, depressed, anxious, uncertain, happy, elated, everything that a person should feel, but to regulate them as many people do who are not on medication.
Initially, since I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, was that I hid my feelings from others and kept everything to myself. Bad move! It didn’t solve a thing and probably drew out the depressive feelings even longer than they needed to be experienced. Once I started talking more to others about what was going on, it was a tremendous relief. I didn’t completely stop the tears, but it felt great to know that others cared enough to listen to what was going on with me. Today, when I started to feel sad, I remembered the conversations I had with others, and it was a huge help.
So, those of you who are struggling with negative emotions, I would encourage you to feel those emotions. It’s ok to feel sad, to feel lonely, and to feel depressed. But don’t run away from others! Communicate with at least one person and share what is going on with you. Also, remember that others care for you and really understand what you may be going through, even if it’s only to a small extent. I’m sure there are other ways to help manage your emotional health, reading, journaling, walking in nature, hanging out with others. Find the things that work for you and do them! I know from experience that it makes a huge difference.
Harry L. Estes 