Recently, I’ve been involved in discussions differentiating between isolation and solitude. I’ve found myself experiencing both and sometimes not knowing the difference between the two. At times, both just feels like loneliness to me, neither leaving me with much of a positive feeling.
I’m not even sure that I can explain fully isolation and solitude simply and easily. For me isolation is more of a feeling. I can be in the midst of dozens of people, surrounded by conversations and social interactions, and I can feel isolated. I can’t seem to connect with others, with the discussions that are going on around me, or even connecting enough with myself that I can fully engage with my environment. I’m numb to my own emotions, I’m devoid of any feeling, and I’m completely psychologically blank. In addition to those experiences, I can also avoid people completely, so that I’m not only by myself but separated from others. This also adds to the loneliness that I can feel. Along with that, I feel as if I deserve to be isolated. Like the kind of person I am, the bad choices I’ve made, and the experiences who have fashioned me is a punishment that I need to keep away from others. And it’s also a punishment for me because I don’t deserve to have the same kind of life that others have.
Solitude, though, is a choice that involves peace, rejuvenation, and reflection. I don’t often experience this because I allow the negative voices in my head to turn this experience into another bout of loneliness. However, when I have experienced it, it is like nothing I have felt before. The overwhelming sense of calm and serenity is amazing! It’s more than just an emotional experience, but I can actually feel my nervous system change. My heart rate is lower, by breathing is regulated, and my muscles are relaxed. Also, I can feel my mind become clearer and my thinking become reasonable. It is during this time that I feel I grow the most and have my greatest epiphanies. These are the times when I feel rational thinking has the most impact on my life. The changes and behaviors that I’ve gained insight seem to take hold much better in my life. Solitude is the time when I learn how to make my life better and it becomes part of the natural rhythm of life for me.
As a survivor, if you’ve never experienced solitude, I highly suggest that you plan to take a few minutes in reflection. For us to overcome our past experiences and to battle against the negative voices attempting to control our lives, we need to armor ourselves with the growth mindset that will carry us during our loneliness.
Harry L. Estes 