Living in Community

If you have frequented my site, you’ll notice that I talk a lot about community and isolation. I think adult survivors have a very difficult time with the two. For me, it’s a love/hate relationship with both. I strongly desire to live in connection with others because I do feel a sense of joy when I’m with people. On the other hand, I can really struggle with boundaries, understanding others, and accepting the differences that people bring to the table. Also, I love spending time by myself, reading, writing, reflecting, talking with God, and just the peace and tranquility that comes from isolation. Yet, I also feel deeply lonely and disconnected from everything, which I know leads me into a depressive state.

I don’t know if I speak for all survivors, but I feel as if living in community requires a great deal of trust that has been built through time and through work on all who are involved. To me, I would love to be deeply involved in another person’s life, share regular times with their families, and experience the joys of even the smallest victories and the agonies of the largest struggles. I have a particular view of what I would like for community, and I believe that expectation might be a too lofty of a goal for most people.

I don’t think that most of us in our society are equipped with the tools to live in that type of community, or even the types of communities that exist in other areas of the world. I believe that our individualistic behavioral patterns have been ingrained in us for generations, and those social cues are too deeply cut into our personalities. It’s not impossible, and I have heard of people in our culture doing this. It’s a formidable goal and one that is even harder to achieve because of the many barriers we face in our lives.

And that’s not even considering the fact that many survivors come from dysfunctional households and need to overcome the trauma that is also deeply embedded in our lives! We have an uphill battle against a sheer cliff with no training and no tools or supports to help us with it.

For myself, I believe that I need to set my expectations reasonably, as with all things in my life. I can’t force anyone into community, but I can continue to connect with Jesus in hopes that He will bring about the sense of connection that I need. He knows me better than anyone else, so for any of this to work out, I need to trust in Him.