It’s been 39 years since I was molested by my perpetrator, and I will always remember the date, Saturday, August 31, 1985. Although the event has been cemented into my memory, the trauma of the time doesn’t affect me nearly as badly as it did years ago. I believe a big part of it was because I moved away from my hometown, so many of the environmental triggers just aren’t around me anymore. Also, I’m pretty busy around this time, with the start of school for myself and for my family, so I can easily keep my mind occupied with other things. Finally, I’ve communicated with my therapist and others so much about the event that I feel like I’ve talked through it, and I can anticipate my feelings and my responses much better. But it will always be there in my memory.
Many survivors of sexual abuse have similar experiences where certain times of the year or certain environmental factors will trigger memories of their abuse. If those triggers can be avoided, I believe that is a pretty healthy mechanism for survival. However, many survivors can’t escape those triggers, so learning how to function with them and around them is a good strategy. I believe one of the best ways is to talk with others about those memories and those factors that trigger you. When you have others to talk with about your memories and the emotions attached to them, you have a way to comfort yourself and control the responses to those memories. It’s not an easy thing to find, but it builds a bond between you and others like no other. Being vulnerable, however, comes with a cost. Opening up to others takes a great deal of trust for each person. Be prepared to be hurt in the process because not everyone you open up to is willing to dig that deep into feelings and emotions. And, to me, it’s all part of the learning process. Learning who you can open up to and who you should keep quiet about your feelings is all part of the negotiating process of finding a support group for yourself. Don’t give up, it will happen!
Harry L. Estes 