Walls

I think most survivors of sexual abuse would agree that we have built up emotional walls our entire life. For me, I’ve built up these walls because I need to protect myself from others who potentially might harm me, and the reason that I have done this is because I didn’t have healthy boundaries in my life. So, building up these emotional walls protects me from any potential hurt because I have complete control how I allow people into my life and how vulnerable I want to be with others. It’s not necessarily a bad thing because it was a response to the trauma that I experienced. However, it isn’t something that I should keep doing because there are better ways to live my life.

I don’t think I realized just how well and how easily I keep people away from my true self. I push people away from me without even realizing that I’m doing it. And then I’m left wondering why I can’t enjoy deeper and more fulfilling friendships. Building these emotional barriers affects every part of my life. Obviously, the walls keep potentially harmful and toxic people out of my life, but they also prevent me from connecting with people at work or other places where I can establish acquaintances. It keeps my self-worth and self-esteem stifled because I can’t grow beyond the walls I’ve surrounded myself with. Also, it destroys any confidence I have in myself because I don’t allow for others to give me affirmation, positive feedback, or recognition for the things I’m accomplishing.

It’s time for me to stop hiding my true self. I don’t recommend this for just anyone, but I do believe that if you have a good support system in place and are vulnerable with a few chosen people, you also can start tearing down the walls in your life. Of course, there are going to be struggles and setbacks when you do this, I’ve experienced them myself. It makes me want to shut myself away again because that lifestyle is just so much easier. But it’s not fulfilling, and I’m choosing to live an abundant, living my life to the fullest! It’s scary to admit, and even more frightening to do, so I don’t blame others for not being vulnerable with others. But I would highly encourage you to do so, if you are remotely thinking about it, because you will bless others more than you’ll ever know. And that is something I can truly say I’ve experienced.