This fall, I will begin my 30th year teaching! So much has changed since I first started, which I’m sure is what happens with any job. But even from year to year, I have to adjust to changes in my routine. And if you know me, I value my routines highly!
I’ve enjoyed a few weeks off from summer school before the regular school year starts, and I will be missing getting up with no alarm, going to the gym on my time, unlimited reading
times, editing and writing my books, and watching the Olympics until well into the evening. With the start of school, I always have worry and anxiety, mostly because of changing my routine again. I believe that many sexual abuse survivors experience a good deal of worry and anxiety when the unexpected comes up. But you would think after 30 years, I would be used to the variations in my schedule! Absolutely not!
What I have learned is that my worry and anxiety has less to do with the change in schedule and more to do with the loss of peace. Structure gives me an overwhelming sense of relief. Once I’m back in the routine of school, I have much less anxiety than I did when I anticipated the change. Yet, I still haven’t regained the peace and tranquility that have a freer schedule provides. So, I’m going to attempt this year to gain a little of that back.
I talked with a friend of mine whose career it is to create spaces for healing and for tranquility. He suggested that I take time every morning to meditate, pray, and center myself for the day, bringing my over-amped nervous system down. Also, he encouraged me to continue reading and having some quiet time for myself every morning, so that I can use that time to recharge for the upcoming day’s schedule. I do some of that, but I need to make it a better practice every day.
If you’ve never done anything like that before, I would hope that you would find some time in your day to help calm your nervous system down. It’s as easy as finding a comfortable position and take deep breaths. The hard part of me is trying to clear my mind of intrusive thoughts, but that’s where practice makes perfect! I believe that lowering the baseline of my active and hyper-responsive nervous system will help me to live a life where I can meet the challenges of an ever-changing schedule and routine in a healthy way. Hopefully, I’ll have some good things to report.
Harry L. Estes 